I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
