remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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