someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
