hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize