I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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