i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
