white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
