The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
