My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
