so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
