totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
