I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize