its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
