It's like God shit irony all over that family
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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