Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
