it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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