exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
