I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
