craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
