I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
