I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am midnight drunk by noon
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
