I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize