U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just want to make out with him forever
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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