So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
