Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
