i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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