the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
