Someone shit on the floor
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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