my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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