He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
