the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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