4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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