girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
