Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
