The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
