i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
