Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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