On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
