listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize