tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Life is so much better after having sex.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
