I hate all girls vehemently.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
