would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
