forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
