I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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