you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
