shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
