she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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