Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
