hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have post one night stand depression
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