Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
