JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
