Can i not drive my cunt home
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
