I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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