whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
