dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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