In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
