yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
