Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
