He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
