When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
