It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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