I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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