She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
