I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
