so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize