thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
