Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
