i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
