Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
