Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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